Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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