some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
