There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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