we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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