im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize