The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
