Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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