you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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