I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
