mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
