i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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