it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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