i wish my penis had a tongue
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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