wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
