I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
