Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
