Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
