wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
