I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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