Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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