youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
