My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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