Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize