U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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