I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
