At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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