she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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