I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize