You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
