Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
