so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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