so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
