I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
