Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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