I am in a vortex of obligation.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
