I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
