We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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