Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
