He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
