I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
