you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
