I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
