whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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