dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
