So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
