i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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