I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
