i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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