my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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