My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize