I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize