So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
