so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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