so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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