I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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