she looked like the before picture.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
