My friends, they love my intelligence
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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