dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
