im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize