He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I'm really busy with my period
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