if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize