There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
