I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
