i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She's the barista slut.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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