Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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