Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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