you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
