He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
