I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
