you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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