is your mom at the bar?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
