so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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