She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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