so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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